Success.

So, lately I've been getting compliments - and hearing from people that I look in shape.

Cool...right?

I've realized that with this lifestyle comes a change in perception.

For most people, this is in shape - which is fine, and I guess I would be classified into that category for the normal-average-joe.  For me, I feel as if it's a death sentence....

I won't be happy being average, or just in shape. I want to look the way I want to look - even if that means, having more muscle, being leaner, being judged for using protein 2x a day and eating it like pudding LOL. I don't stinking care.

This is the only "in shape" I want to be. Thankfully, I've conditioned my husband to like MUSCLE - he appreciates a lean physique, and doesn't want me to be skinny fat. Most guys think Jamie is too muscular... seriously, that's only because they're jealous.

puuhhhlease.

So, have I succeeded? Yes I have.
I am in shape - and athletic,

am I Jamie Eason in shape?

NOT YET!
But I'm getting there...
one successful day at a time.

Just a quickie.

I'm alive...
SURPRISE.

6 WEEKS LEFT
thank god!

Anyways, here's some news - I signed up with Maximum Fitness Consulting headed by Noel Clark.
I started with her YEARS ago, and thought I'd get back to my roots. She has her own company now, and has some GREAT programs. I'm not plugging because she's my coach, but because my program is the bomb...

and I get to pick what I eat.

Yep. A database lets me chose what I want to eat and spits out the amount of each for me. I plan my diet, she gives me the macro's. It's a beautiful thing.

I've officially lost 10# now - I wish I knew how much BF but the 10# looks like 20#. I've maintained if not GAINED more muscle, definitely more strength and with 6 weeks left I'm ready to ROCK AND ROLL.

I haven't added ANY cardio - I've done it sporadically, but nothing serious - so that will change, plus I'm looking at more of a bodyweight based routine since I know I won't build anything while I'm cutting.

Now that I'm on a new schedule, I need to manage my time better - and really work it out this last month. I can't wait to go home and COOK my own food - which I'll be able to do while staying on plan with this program.

So pumped.

There is NEVER a need to eat fish and asparagus and sweet potato for every meal, nor fish for breakfast.

Life is good!!

Finals & The FINAL COUNTDOWN

'

This is how I felt yesterday...with my PMS NMA (negative mental attitude)

This is how I feel today. A complete 180...

STRESS & FINAL EXAMS

My finals are two days away, and yes I'm in Iraq. I've learned from my dad that life is what you make of it, and working hard now means living easier down the road, plus I am proud of myself for accomplishing the things that I have. I'm so HAPPY to see the light at the end of the tunnel, because after this month...I'm done with school until next year. HAMMER TIME!!

Yeah, so I'm pretty much pumped. 

Stress had taken it's last choke-hold on me the past two weeks. Basically, work has been a complete circus. Without going into much detail, I am one of TWO people who are doing my job here in Iraq - which means, 12 hour days every single day. There's no time to be sick, and barely enough time to work out. Time management is a blessing - I did learn something in school, and in the Air Force. Regardless, I have been getting nothing but rave reviews for the work I am doing here, for changing lackluster processes and speeding up information flow - but my counterpart is the black sheep. He's lazy, has an excuse for everything and doesn't take responsibility for his actions. For him, this is his first deployment - and my third, but this is my first deployment where everyone around is a much higher rank. Normally on a deployment, you "let loose" - you have fun, joke around - it's like summer camp, but you're with your PEERS. For us enlisted, working around officers means we have to respect authority and follow orders (which we should always do, but it's different within the enlisted rank structure - there's more "wiggle room" to ask questions), and put our best foot forward because they are the "people with the power" and there's a reason they get paid the big bucks - when shit hits the fan, they're taking the heat first...y'know, crap rolls down hill. Anyways, so I am picking up the pieces mid-deployment and moving to the opposite shift. That doesn't mean much to most, but it is going to take impeccable planning for the next few days to get everything in working order. 

This whole situation has taught me a great lesson - you can't help those who don't want to be helped. I've been taught this over, and over but it's never really stuck. I've tried to talk to this kid, and explain how he should behave, and why he should take things more seriously. Then, all I hear is "why isn't he doing this?" and I get complaints about him constantly (which is why they're MAKING me move). For me, I take pride in what I do and how I present myself. I don't know how people can just go about, especially in the military, making a joke out of themselves and not thinking about how it reflects on them. 

I have to make myself understand that people don't value the same things I do - and that's okay, but that is their decision to make, not mine. I was told he asked why I didn't "have his back" when I was asked to talk to him about his performance by my superior (I hate when people think you owe them something just because you worked together), and for me - and for most of you I would assume, the answer is simple. I will stand up for what I believe is right, no personal bias involved. Even if I like you, I won't stand up for you if you're doing something wrong. I have ALWAYS taken that stance, and have lost many friends because of it...but I won't compromise my beliefs, nor my values to "have someones back". 

Wooooh. I feel better, thanks for letting me vent.

SO, add that distress, to complete intestinal issues (it may be TMI, but seriously folks...how do you know if you have IBS because SOMETHING ain't right), no working out because I have been studying my BUTT off...and the joys of being in the suck.

This is the last time I am ALLOWING myself to feel completely overwhelmed and stressed out. Just like MANAGING your eating habits, you also need to manage STRESS just the same. 

I'm combating my stress by being prepared, but also being flexible. I'm sitting here, and planning out the next few days with a rough "sketch" of what they'll look like. When my workout and meal times will be, and what tasks need to get finished/started before I make a complete move to the opposite shift.

I know what's stressing me out, now I just have to fight back.

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

The final countdown FOR THAT LOOK - no more weight people, go for the look. I want those arms!

Just to info you, my hubs has gained 18 lbs - by HIMSELF. Just working out, and eating - 18lbs in 3 months, thanks to some basic principles of lifting and nutrition. He's "genetically gifted" to say the least.

This is my final countdown here.... about 8 weeks left. I'm at the halfway mark and really, the time is flying right by. 

So, it's time to really kick my booty into high gear and make some SIGNIFICANT PROGRESS.

I have three major Focus Areas these next 8 weeks to get me in line with my goals.

1. Follow a rough nutrition plan & track everything that goes into my mouth for the next 8 weeks

2. Follow a structured workout plan, but allow for flexibility

3. Start incorporating the military calisthenics (pushups & situps) and running into workouts

Focus areas are better for me than goals, because goals are destinations and stopping points. For me, a focus area means consistency for a duration.

Think about it: What are your focus areas? What strategies do you use to manage stress?

 

Rock Your Workout!

Check out this weeks workout!

ROCK YOUR WORKOUT - PLAN 01

If you're a fan, let me know and I'll keep it going <3

There is No Cure

I heard on Oprah something that I think will stick with me for the rest of my life. 


When it comes to emotional eating, there will never be a cure, it's something that has to be managed.


Seriously, it's that simple folks. 

I think a lot of us jump on this path thinking "once I get there, I'll never have to worry about it again." The IT is the being uncomfortable in our current bodies. I know I did, I was willing to dive into a crash diet just to get the fat off ASAP so I could be done with it, but I know I have to take a different approach.

It was perfect timing to hear that yesterday because it was the first time in a while that I did the eat-for-comfort thing. I had cramps from HELL, and have been under a wee bit of stress lately. Combine that with a lack of working out, and you have the perfect situation for a fat kid takeover.

I didn't think while eating any of it, it was purely to soothe. I enjoyed every bite of it, and then at the end of the day saw that Oprah episode and thought *bingo* this is it! I couldn't manage the stress, or the pain - so I gave it to what I knew would make me feel better aside from curling up in bed with my husband .FOOOD.

It's a simple concept, but takes constant diligence - it's a war within, and there is no winning battle. It can take years to get to a point where it's easier to manage, but the battle will never be won. You have to ACCEPT the fight, each and every day. You have to make a conscious decision, and let go of instant satisfaction and embrace the long term. We have to CONQUER the day, one healthy choice at a time.

For those who are just starting out, start with something simple every day and let it perpetuate from there. Something as simple as taking a fish oil supplement, or multivitamin. Ditching the soda, for water or simply swapping out your normal carbs for a healthier version. It doesn't happen in one day, or a week but it can be done.

For the vets, stop beating yourselves up for choices that you make yourself believe are mistakes. You make the choice, but instead of making an instant choice think about your actions (or inaction) and the latter result.

I'm going to embrace the challenge, and enjoy the war within because it gives me an opportunity every day to win. I can manage the bad habits by acknowledging, and changing my actions but it is a battle of a lifetime.

Product Plug: Makeups

I love this bag - all I did was google "makeup bag" to get some pictures for this post, and I came across this beauty...its too damn bad it's PRADA. WTH google? Thanks for getting my hopes up - 500$ for a flippin make up bag! It better be made out of unicorn skin, or some mystical creature fur.

Moving on...

Somehow I have managed to stumble across some amazing makeup finds while here in Iraq. Honestly, simply by luck - I was running out of eyeliner ( lord knows this woman can't be in public without it) and got a little shop-happy with CLINIQUE products. Needless to say, so worth it.

QUICK BLUSH 22.5$

Went out on a whim, and really wanted a good blush - but something unique. I love CHEAP makeup (E.L.F - seriously, need I say more?) but saw this and said...why not. It's convenient, the powder is at the end of the cap. Once it came, and I had my first go at it...I fell in love. Perfect color, quality brush, and it's going to last a very long time. It's no so dusty that you look like a china doll, and takes some effort to get a hefty amount on the brush - which is good, I'm an au natural kind of girl.

1. Twist the brush in the cap. 2. Brush on face. 3. D-O-N-E!

LASH POWER MASCARA 14.5$ 

This  stuff is NO JOKE. I bought it, again - on a whim.  Little did I know - to get this crap off would be like trying to remove a tattoo. IMPOSSIBLE...without ripping your eyelashes out. That was until I read the box - "removes easily with warm water" - really? I thought it was a sick joke.  Makeup remover wouldn't remove it, not even the Clinique brand either but simply washing your face does the trick. It's not the bada-bing bada-boom mascara that everyone is advertising nowadays. It's natural looking, but dark and defining. Give it a try, sure beats those crazy mascara brushes I keep getting stuck with.

QUICKLINER for EYES 15$

Dark? Yes. Racoon proof? Totally. Smudgeable? Yep. Probably a bit pricey for what I would LIKE to pay for a good eyeliner, since I use it like it's my job BUT...I will say, I haven't gotten any weird stares because my makeup is all over my face in a long time. This stuff is great.

So, my disclaimer is - I'm NOT a Clinique junkie. I really never bought into the whole makeup loyalty thing (y'know, the MAC-ers, and the I'll-spend-a-paycheck-on-Clinique crazed soccer moms) but I will say, I've never been unhappy with any of their products. I think I get lucky with what I choose to buy. These high quality items are definitely a must (well, maybe not the blush - I just thought it was SO convenient) and if you're looking to try something new, check it out!

e.l.f   Eye Shadow Cream

& Just in case you're curious. This is my favorite eye product ever...and the best part. It's 1$. BOOO YAAAAAA. So, if you have an empty makeup bag (like I will in two months when I give myself an I-have-abs-and-am-totally-smokin' makeover) STOCK UP!

Fix What's Broken FIRST.

I've been so contemplative lately, and for good reason.
I haven't been doing anything but homework, working out and thinking for the past week.
Finals are killing me - that's what I get for slacking.
Not to mention I'm super stressed out, in Iraq...I have to remind myself because sometimes I forget I'm in a war zone because I have it really easy right now.

First, for those of you that follow this blog - I am sorry. I'm not one of those hippity-hoppity, bubbly bloggers. Just won't happen - not here anyways. I'm OFF on ANOTHER PLANET - I'm the analyzer, and I like to dig a little bit deeper because I really believe you have to fix what's broken on the inside FIRST before you try changing the outside. That's what this blog is for me - it's my voice. It's the things I'm thinking that I don't talk about - because this journey, is all mine - and I chose to share it with you. The world. I don't chose to share it with many of those around me because I really feel like NOBODY can understand us women who share this DREAM of standing on that stage, defying the odds, and LIVING the example. Not only that, but the judgement - the riddicule, the gossip...none of that is worth having in MY life.

And so be it - the birth of a blog.

Now, the journey starts with one step.
and continues by putting one foot in front of the other
with each and every decision, you move closer - or you move back - or you stop and stare.
I have stumbled, and stalled...and walked backwards forever until now.

I'm not sure if I really know the WHY - the reason for my stagnation, but I did know one thing when I started. When I became ready for this journey, I would know it. I would know it in my being, in all that I am. For anyone that thinks the road to competition is one of following a structured guideline, and being a guinea pig for a coach - I feel bad for them. The sheer power that transforming your body can do - it can make you, or break you if you let it. If you compete, and you don't know it in your bones that you want to continue - wait until that moment, like love at first sight...that you just know.

It took me 3 years to fix what's broken inside me. 3 years of roller coaster weight, different coaches, and different "excuses" - but those excuses, looking back now - was the universe saying "she's not ready". It takes more than just eating like a rabbit and going to the gym. It's all in the mind - the willpower, the serenity, the control and the passion - they all have to be there for anyone to succeed. I never started on this journey to be the best possible version of myself simply to just "lose some weight" - it's a complete transformation, from the weak-willed, insecure, uncomfortable and depressed girl I used to know into a woman who is strong, inside and out and who is confident, knowledgeable and happy and most of all - ready.

I wrote this in my own journal, but the deep down reason for not getting there (wherever that is) by now is because I never gave myself permission. I never allowed myself the opportunity to let go of the years as a chubby child, I never let go of the fat girl and gave permission for the fit girl to take over. I started on this road years ago when I was with my ex - who thought girls with muscle were gross, and who weighed only 130# himself. I'll never forget feeling so alone - and it drove me so far into my own messed up thinking, that if I did this - and followed through, nobody would ever love me - simply because he didn't love me the way I was, and sure as hell wouldn't for becoming the person I wanted to be. My husband, the one person who loved me way back then - was the only person that supported me 110% in any goals that I had. No matter how crazy I got, and how fickle I was - he always told me to keep going, but in my head I was still living in that corner of my mind - I had made myself believe that I really don't deserve it, and had conned myself into thinking I could never do it because I wasn't strong enough, and that something was broken and would never be repaired.

When all along, it was me.

I would try to be so perfect, then one slip up would send me into a downward spiral. I never gave myself permission to make mistakes. I did all the research for years, I knew what each macro nutrient does and could recite what amino acids do what, but I never gave myself permission to trust my own instincts. So, I hired coaches who I thought would take me from zero to hero with their master plans and formulas, not realizing I have what it takes simply because I never gave myself permission to be knowledgeable. I never, not once - allowed myself to think that I could possibly do it without the help of a "guru" but deep down inside, I wanted the pride of doing it all on my own. I never got out of my own way, and just followed what I know - instead of what I plan, then change, then plan again.

I never said "you can do it - because you WANT to" - I always thought "I made this goal - so I have to do it, because if I don't - well I'll be all talk just like everyone else."

I think deep down, I was afraid to NOT be like everyone else.
I'm soooo not like everyone else.

Saying that takes me back to first grade - seriously, I remember. I was the kid who won every single award at the end of the school year. Not even kidding - I was little miss perfect, for the simple fact that I loved learning. Total nerd, to this day. I remember getting the final award, "student of the year" and when I came back to sit on the bleachers heard a group of MY friends saying that I was a "teachers pet" so of course I got it - instead of being happy for me. I guess it's a natural human emotion, jealousy...but at 1st grade, for someone to remember that - it was my last year at that school, and my last year being myself. Move on to a new school, and try to fit in - easier said than done, but being mediocre wasn't my thing, and it didn't change whether people liked me or not. I just wanted to be accepted, and I had friends - but they didn't like ms. popular. I should have known. Be dumb, be popular...and get enemies. So, lesson learned. Years later, after being smart got me no friends, and being dumb got me too many - I go the bitch route. Total, complete, stuck up beyotch. Wayy harder to fake, but at least I didn't have any friends - and I could be my normal self with my close friends, everyone hated me - collectively. So, when you're trying to be a complete twat, but you're 100% witty, sarcastic nerd on the inside - when you have a boyfriend who is your polar opposite...it's really hard to be around them, let alone live with them (biggest mistake ever). What better way to travel down the long dark road of some serious depression? All alone - right where I landed myself. Looking back now, why did I feel like I needed to be accepted. I just wanted to be liked for who I was, but nobody likes the person they want to be at that age - I could have been a Harvard graduate if I didn't feel the need for acceptance...but who knows that in 1st grade?

It wasn't until I met my husband that I could be myself - honestly, I don't know how I would have made it through that time in my life without him. He let me BE me, he let me be nerdy, taught me how to relax and accept things as they are, he taught me that I can be myself - and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks, as long as I am the one whose happy. I never thought I'd be married at 24, happily married to say the least - but I got so lucky, so soooo lucky. 

Here I am now, slowly but surely...returning to who I am, and allowing myself - friends or no friends - to accomplish my goals, and be the person that I want to be. A person I can look back on when I'm old a gray and say "damn, I had a hell of a time...and had a hell of a body" I value health the way most people value religion, because I know I have a limited time on this earth. We are blessed with free will, and emotions that animals cant perceive. We are so lucky to share in the human experience, I want mine to be as long as possible. If I can do that by staying healthy, well hot damn I will - and if getting on stage in a tiny bikini and heels is what will be a memorable moment in my life, then it's what I will do and I will allow myself to do it.

It's taken 14 years to realize what was broken - 14 years to see with new eyes, the person I can become.

It's never too late to live your dream, so fix what's broken first....and then go after it. Don't try to hide because you'll unravel....and when you do, it may be too late.