Sorry I've been M-I-A
But...I'm freaking home now...
Let the games begin.
Many updates to come, now it's time to get caught up
and I totally missed the Olympia
I have a LOT of catching up to do...
17 October 2011
02 September 2011
Brain Games
It's all in your head - I've heard that one a lot - and really, it's true. I've come to realize that most of our suffering comes from assumptions and perceptions of things that aren't real. We just think they are - because we assume. That's one thing that's hitting me like a brick on the head this week - who cares what people think, who cares about the haters. People are more worried about what others think of them to pay attention to you, and if they do - screw them, they're either jealous or ignorant.
I feel better.
Now, I am still knees deep into the whole brain-rewire I've been working on. I think this whole competition process starts in the mind. There are people that just get out there and "do" without really taking the time to take it all in and change from the inside out. Yes, I could zombie out to a workout plan and diet and it may get me a pro-card, it may not...but where's the reward in that. I'm changing every day, on the inside. Things I used to struggle with, I have turned into positive by looking at the big picture. I'm changing who I am and becoming a better person with this journey - a more compassionate person. This is what makes the journey to the end result worth it. period.
I really used to envy those who take action to accomplish something - but then I realized, a lot of these people really don't learn anything along the way. There's the contest rebounds, the constant unsatisfaction, the guilt and self pitty, then of course you're right back where you started - taking action to get somewhere because you did it before, and for some reason can't do it now. Well, history repeats itself if we don't learn anything from it right? I know this - I did it for years, unknowingly at the time. I had to learn the lessons before I could execute and stay sane. Gosh, I was so naieve to think that I could just do it and get there without any stopping points or lessons to be learned.
We see it all the time, the girl that goes into a show and takes the whole thing - then says, "oh I've only been working out for a year". Granted, I used to want to be that person - now, not even to save my life.
This is why the brain re-wire is almost a success. I have trained myself to see that there is a grey area, I am aknowledging that there is more to this than just getting a plan and following it, and I am accepting the fact that everything that I have struggled wth, every time I have failed is what is going to make me a champion, a role model and someday someone that can be looked up to - for more than just a status, or a trophy.
29 August 2011
Success.
So, lately I've been getting compliments - and hearing from people that I look in shape.
Cool...right?
I've realized that with this lifestyle comes a change in perception.
For most people, this is in shape - which is fine, and I guess I would be classified into that category for the normal-average-joe. For me, I feel as if it's a death sentence....
I won't be happy being average, or just in shape. I want to look the way I want to look - even if that means, having more muscle, being leaner, being judged for using protein 2x a day and eating it like pudding LOL. I don't stinking care.
This is the only "in shape" I want to be. Thankfully, I've conditioned my husband to like MUSCLE - he appreciates a lean physique, and doesn't want me to be skinny fat. Most guys think Jamie is too muscular... seriously, that's only because they're jealous.
puuhhhlease.
So, have I succeeded? Yes I have.
I am in shape - and athletic,
am I Jamie Eason in shape?
NOT YET!
But I'm getting there...
one successful day at a time.
Cool...right?
I've realized that with this lifestyle comes a change in perception.
I won't be happy being average, or just in shape. I want to look the way I want to look - even if that means, having more muscle, being leaner, being judged for using protein 2x a day and eating it like pudding LOL. I don't stinking care.
So, have I succeeded? Yes I have.
I am in shape - and athletic,
am I Jamie Eason in shape?
NOT YET!
But I'm getting there...
one successful day at a time.
17 August 2011
Just a quickie.
I'm alive...
SURPRISE.
6 WEEKS LEFT
thank god!
Anyways, here's some news - I signed up with Maximum Fitness Consulting headed by Noel Clark.
I started with her YEARS ago, and thought I'd get back to my roots. She has her own company now, and has some GREAT programs. I'm not plugging because she's my coach, but because my program is the bomb...
and I get to pick what I eat.
Yep. A database lets me chose what I want to eat and spits out the amount of each for me. I plan my diet, she gives me the macro's. It's a beautiful thing.
I've officially lost 10# now - I wish I knew how much BF but the 10# looks like 20#. I've maintained if not GAINED more muscle, definitely more strength and with 6 weeks left I'm ready to ROCK AND ROLL.
I haven't added ANY cardio - I've done it sporadically, but nothing serious - so that will change, plus I'm looking at more of a bodyweight based routine since I know I won't build anything while I'm cutting.
Now that I'm on a new schedule, I need to manage my time better - and really work it out this last month. I can't wait to go home and COOK my own food - which I'll be able to do while staying on plan with this program.
So pumped.
There is NEVER a need to eat fish and asparagus and sweet potato for every meal, nor fish for breakfast.
Life is good!!
SURPRISE.
6 WEEKS LEFT
thank god!
Anyways, here's some news - I signed up with Maximum Fitness Consulting headed by Noel Clark.
I started with her YEARS ago, and thought I'd get back to my roots. She has her own company now, and has some GREAT programs. I'm not plugging because she's my coach, but because my program is the bomb...
and I get to pick what I eat.
Yep. A database lets me chose what I want to eat and spits out the amount of each for me. I plan my diet, she gives me the macro's. It's a beautiful thing.
I've officially lost 10# now - I wish I knew how much BF but the 10# looks like 20#. I've maintained if not GAINED more muscle, definitely more strength and with 6 weeks left I'm ready to ROCK AND ROLL.
I haven't added ANY cardio - I've done it sporadically, but nothing serious - so that will change, plus I'm looking at more of a bodyweight based routine since I know I won't build anything while I'm cutting.
Now that I'm on a new schedule, I need to manage my time better - and really work it out this last month. I can't wait to go home and COOK my own food - which I'll be able to do while staying on plan with this program.
So pumped.
There is NEVER a need to eat fish and asparagus and sweet potato for every meal, nor fish for breakfast.
Life is good!!
28 July 2011
Finals & The FINAL COUNTDOWN
This is how I felt yesterday...with my PMS NMA (negative mental attitude)
This is how I feel today. A complete 180...
STRESS & FINAL EXAMS
My finals are two days away, and yes I'm in Iraq. I've learned from my dad that life is what you make of it, and working hard now means living easier down the road, plus I am proud of myself for accomplishing the things that I have. I'm so HAPPY to see the light at the end of the tunnel, because after this month...I'm done with school until next year. HAMMER TIME!!
Yeah, so I'm pretty much pumped.
Stress had taken it's last choke-hold on me the past two weeks. Basically, work has been a complete circus. Without going into much detail, I am one of TWO people who are doing my job here in Iraq - which means, 12 hour days every single day. There's no time to be sick, and barely enough time to work out. Time management is a blessing - I did learn something in school, and in the Air Force. Regardless, I have been getting nothing but rave reviews for the work I am doing here, for changing lackluster processes and speeding up information flow - but my counterpart is the black sheep. He's lazy, has an excuse for everything and doesn't take responsibility for his actions. For him, this is his first deployment - and my third, but this is my first deployment where everyone around is a much higher rank. Normally on a deployment, you "let loose" - you have fun, joke around - it's like summer camp, but you're with your PEERS. For us enlisted, working around officers means we have to respect authority and follow orders (which we should always do, but it's different within the enlisted rank structure - there's more "wiggle room" to ask questions), and put our best foot forward because they are the "people with the power" and there's a reason they get paid the big bucks - when shit hits the fan, they're taking the heat first...y'know, crap rolls down hill. Anyways, so I am picking up the pieces mid-deployment and moving to the opposite shift. That doesn't mean much to most, but it is going to take impeccable planning for the next few days to get everything in working order.
This whole situation has taught me a great lesson - you can't help those who don't want to be helped. I've been taught this over, and over but it's never really stuck. I've tried to talk to this kid, and explain how he should behave, and why he should take things more seriously. Then, all I hear is "why isn't he doing this?" and I get complaints about him constantly (which is why they're MAKING me move). For me, I take pride in what I do and how I present myself. I don't know how people can just go about, especially in the military, making a joke out of themselves and not thinking about how it reflects on them.
I have to make myself understand that people don't value the same things I do - and that's okay, but that is their decision to make, not mine. I was told he asked why I didn't "have his back" when I was asked to talk to him about his performance by my superior (I hate when people think you owe them something just because you worked together), and for me - and for most of you I would assume, the answer is simple. I will stand up for what I believe is right, no personal bias involved. Even if I like you, I won't stand up for you if you're doing something wrong. I have ALWAYS taken that stance, and have lost many friends because of it...but I won't compromise my beliefs, nor my values to "have someones back".
Wooooh. I feel better, thanks for letting me vent.
SO, add that distress, to complete intestinal issues (it may be TMI, but seriously folks...how do you know if you have IBS because SOMETHING ain't right), no working out because I have been studying my BUTT off...and the joys of being in the suck.
This is the last time I am ALLOWING myself to feel completely overwhelmed and stressed out. Just like MANAGING your eating habits, you also need to manage STRESS just the same.
I'm combating my stress by being prepared, but also being flexible. I'm sitting here, and planning out the next few days with a rough "sketch" of what they'll look like. When my workout and meal times will be, and what tasks need to get finished/started before I make a complete move to the opposite shift.
I know what's stressing me out, now I just have to fight back.
THE FINAL COUNTDOWN
The final countdown FOR THAT LOOK - no more weight people, go for the look. I want those arms!
Just to info you, my hubs has gained 18 lbs - by HIMSELF. Just working out, and eating - 18lbs in 3 months, thanks to some basic principles of lifting and nutrition. He's "genetically gifted" to say the least.
This is my final countdown here.... about 8 weeks left. I'm at the halfway mark and really, the time is flying right by.
So, it's time to really kick my booty into high gear and make some SIGNIFICANT PROGRESS.
I have three major Focus Areas these next 8 weeks to get me in line with my goals.
1. Follow a rough nutrition plan & track everything that goes into my mouth for the next 8 weeks
2. Follow a structured workout plan, but allow for flexibility
3. Start incorporating the military calisthenics (pushups & situps) and running into workouts
Focus areas are better for me than goals, because goals are destinations and stopping points. For me, a focus area means consistency for a duration.
Think about it: What are your focus areas? What strategies do you use to manage stress?
27 July 2011
Rock Your Workout!
Check out this weeks workout!
If you're a fan, let me know and I'll keep it going <3
There is No Cure
I heard on Oprah something that I think will stick with me for the rest of my life.
When it comes to emotional eating, there will never be a cure, it's something that has to be managed.
Seriously, it's that simple folks.
I think a lot of us jump on this path thinking "once I get there, I'll never have to worry about it again." The IT is the being uncomfortable in our current bodies. I know I did, I was willing to dive into a crash diet just to get the fat off ASAP so I could be done with it, but I know I have to take a different approach.
It was perfect timing to hear that yesterday because it was the first time in a while that I did the eat-for-comfort thing. I had cramps from HELL, and have been under a wee bit of stress lately. Combine that with a lack of working out, and you have the perfect situation for a fat kid takeover.
I didn't think while eating any of it, it was purely to soothe. I enjoyed every bite of it, and then at the end of the day saw that Oprah episode and thought *bingo* this is it! I couldn't manage the stress, or the pain - so I gave it to what I knew would make me feel better aside from curling up in bed with my husband .FOOOD.
It's a simple concept, but takes constant diligence - it's a war within, and there is no winning battle. It can take years to get to a point where it's easier to manage, but the battle will never be won. You have to ACCEPT the fight, each and every day. You have to make a conscious decision, and let go of instant satisfaction and embrace the long term. We have to CONQUER the day, one healthy choice at a time.
For those who are just starting out, start with something simple every day and let it perpetuate from there. Something as simple as taking a fish oil supplement, or multivitamin. Ditching the soda, for water or simply swapping out your normal carbs for a healthier version. It doesn't happen in one day, or a week but it can be done.
For the vets, stop beating yourselves up for choices that you make yourself believe are mistakes. You make the choice, but instead of making an instant choice think about your actions (or inaction) and the latter result.
I'm going to embrace the challenge, and enjoy the war within because it gives me an opportunity every day to win. I can manage the bad habits by acknowledging, and changing my actions but it is a battle of a lifetime.
When it comes to emotional eating, there will never be a cure, it's something that has to be managed.
Seriously, it's that simple folks.
I think a lot of us jump on this path thinking "once I get there, I'll never have to worry about it again." The IT is the being uncomfortable in our current bodies. I know I did, I was willing to dive into a crash diet just to get the fat off ASAP so I could be done with it, but I know I have to take a different approach.
It was perfect timing to hear that yesterday because it was the first time in a while that I did the eat-for-comfort thing. I had cramps from HELL, and have been under a wee bit of stress lately. Combine that with a lack of working out, and you have the perfect situation for a fat kid takeover.
I didn't think while eating any of it, it was purely to soothe. I enjoyed every bite of it, and then at the end of the day saw that Oprah episode and thought *bingo* this is it! I couldn't manage the stress, or the pain - so I gave it to what I knew would make me feel better aside from curling up in bed with my husband .FOOOD.
It's a simple concept, but takes constant diligence - it's a war within, and there is no winning battle. It can take years to get to a point where it's easier to manage, but the battle will never be won. You have to ACCEPT the fight, each and every day. You have to make a conscious decision, and let go of instant satisfaction and embrace the long term. We have to CONQUER the day, one healthy choice at a time.
For those who are just starting out, start with something simple every day and let it perpetuate from there. Something as simple as taking a fish oil supplement, or multivitamin. Ditching the soda, for water or simply swapping out your normal carbs for a healthier version. It doesn't happen in one day, or a week but it can be done.
For the vets, stop beating yourselves up for choices that you make yourself believe are mistakes. You make the choice, but instead of making an instant choice think about your actions (or inaction) and the latter result.
I'm going to embrace the challenge, and enjoy the war within because it gives me an opportunity every day to win. I can manage the bad habits by acknowledging, and changing my actions but it is a battle of a lifetime.
25 July 2011
Product Plug: Makeups
I love this bag - all I did was google "makeup bag" to get some pictures for this post, and I came across this beauty...its too damn bad it's PRADA. WTH google? Thanks for getting my hopes up - 500$ for a flippin make up bag! It better be made out of unicorn skin, or some mystical creature fur.
Moving on...
Somehow I have managed to stumble across some amazing makeup finds while here in Iraq. Honestly, simply by luck - I was running out of eyeliner ( lord knows this woman can't be in public without it) and got a little shop-happy with CLINIQUE products. Needless to say, so worth it.
QUICK BLUSH 22.5$
Went out on a whim, and really wanted a good blush - but something unique. I love CHEAP makeup (E.L.F - seriously, need I say more?) but saw this and said...why not. It's convenient, the powder is at the end of the cap. Once it came, and I had my first go at it...I fell in love. Perfect color, quality brush, and it's going to last a very long time. It's no so dusty that you look like a china doll, and takes some effort to get a hefty amount on the brush - which is good, I'm an au natural kind of girl.
1. Twist the brush in the cap. 2. Brush on face. 3. D-O-N-E!
LASH POWER MASCARA 14.5$
This stuff is NO JOKE. I bought it, again - on a whim. Little did I know - to get this crap off would be like trying to remove a tattoo. IMPOSSIBLE...without ripping your eyelashes out. That was until I read the box - "removes easily with warm water" - really? I thought it was a sick joke. Makeup remover wouldn't remove it, not even the Clinique brand either but simply washing your face does the trick. It's not the bada-bing bada-boom mascara that everyone is advertising nowadays. It's natural looking, but dark and defining. Give it a try, sure beats those crazy mascara brushes I keep getting stuck with.
Dark? Yes. Racoon proof? Totally. Smudgeable? Yep. Probably a bit pricey for what I would LIKE to pay for a good eyeliner, since I use it like it's my job BUT...I will say, I haven't gotten any weird stares because my makeup is all over my face in a long time. This stuff is great.
So, my disclaimer is - I'm NOT a Clinique junkie. I really never bought into the whole makeup loyalty thing (y'know, the MAC-ers, and the I'll-spend-a-paycheck-on-Clinique crazed soccer moms) but I will say, I've never been unhappy with any of their products. I think I get lucky with what I choose to buy. These high quality items are definitely a must (well, maybe not the blush - I just thought it was SO convenient) and if you're looking to try something new, check it out!
& Just in case you're curious. This is my favorite eye product ever...and the best part. It's 1$. BOOO YAAAAAA. So, if you have an empty makeup bag (like I will in two months when I give myself an I-have-abs-and-am-totally-smokin' makeover) STOCK UP!
21 July 2011
Fix What's Broken FIRST.
I've been so contemplative lately, and for good reason.
I haven't been doing anything but homework, working out and thinking for the past week.
Finals are killing me - that's what I get for slacking.
Not to mention I'm super stressed out, in Iraq...I have to remind myself because sometimes I forget I'm in a war zone because I have it really easy right now.
First, for those of you that follow this blog - I am sorry. I'm not one of those hippity-hoppity, bubbly bloggers. Just won't happen - not here anyways. I'm OFF on ANOTHER PLANET - I'm the analyzer, and I like to dig a little bit deeper because I really believe you have to fix what's broken on the inside FIRST before you try changing the outside. That's what this blog is for me - it's my voice. It's the things I'm thinking that I don't talk about - because this journey, is all mine - and I chose to share it with you. The world. I don't chose to share it with many of those around me because I really feel like NOBODY can understand us women who share this DREAM of standing on that stage, defying the odds, and LIVING the example. Not only that, but the judgement - the riddicule, the gossip...none of that is worth having in MY life.
And so be it - the birth of a blog.
Now, the journey starts with one step.
and continues by putting one foot in front of the other
with each and every decision, you move closer - or you move back - or you stop and stare.
I have stumbled, and stalled...and walked backwards forever until now.
I'm not sure if I really know the WHY - the reason for my stagnation, but I did know one thing when I started. When I became ready for this journey, I would know it. I would know it in my being, in all that I am. For anyone that thinks the road to competition is one of following a structured guideline, and being a guinea pig for a coach - I feel bad for them. The sheer power that transforming your body can do - it can make you, or break you if you let it. If you compete, and you don't know it in your bones that you want to continue - wait until that moment, like love at first sight...that you just know.
It took me 3 years to fix what's broken inside me. 3 years of roller coaster weight, different coaches, and different "excuses" - but those excuses, looking back now - was the universe saying "she's not ready". It takes more than just eating like a rabbit and going to the gym. It's all in the mind - the willpower, the serenity, the control and the passion - they all have to be there for anyone to succeed. I never started on this journey to be the best possible version of myself simply to just "lose some weight" - it's a complete transformation, from the weak-willed, insecure, uncomfortable and depressed girl I used to know into a woman who is strong, inside and out and who is confident, knowledgeable and happy and most of all - ready.
I wrote this in my own journal, but the deep down reason for not getting there (wherever that is) by now is because I never gave myself permission. I never allowed myself the opportunity to let go of the years as a chubby child, I never let go of the fat girl and gave permission for the fit girl to take over. I started on this road years ago when I was with my ex - who thought girls with muscle were gross, and who weighed only 130# himself. I'll never forget feeling so alone - and it drove me so far into my own messed up thinking, that if I did this - and followed through, nobody would ever love me - simply because he didn't love me the way I was, and sure as hell wouldn't for becoming the person I wanted to be. My husband, the one person who loved me way back then - was the only person that supported me 110% in any goals that I had. No matter how crazy I got, and how fickle I was - he always told me to keep going, but in my head I was still living in that corner of my mind - I had made myself believe that I really don't deserve it, and had conned myself into thinking I could never do it because I wasn't strong enough, and that something was broken and would never be repaired.
When all along, it was me.
I would try to be so perfect, then one slip up would send me into a downward spiral. I never gave myself permission to make mistakes. I did all the research for years, I knew what each macro nutrient does and could recite what amino acids do what, but I never gave myself permission to trust my own instincts. So, I hired coaches who I thought would take me from zero to hero with their master plans and formulas, not realizing I have what it takes simply because I never gave myself permission to be knowledgeable. I never, not once - allowed myself to think that I could possibly do it without the help of a "guru" but deep down inside, I wanted the pride of doing it all on my own. I never got out of my own way, and just followed what I know - instead of what I plan, then change, then plan again.
I never said "you can do it - because you WANT to" - I always thought "I made this goal - so I have to do it, because if I don't - well I'll be all talk just like everyone else."
I think deep down, I was afraid to NOT be like everyone else.
I'm soooo not like everyone else.
Saying that takes me back to first grade - seriously, I remember. I was the kid who won every single award at the end of the school year. Not even kidding - I was little miss perfect, for the simple fact that I loved learning. Total nerd, to this day. I remember getting the final award, "student of the year" and when I came back to sit on the bleachers heard a group of MY friends saying that I was a "teachers pet" so of course I got it - instead of being happy for me. I guess it's a natural human emotion, jealousy...but at 1st grade, for someone to remember that - it was my last year at that school, and my last year being myself. Move on to a new school, and try to fit in - easier said than done, but being mediocre wasn't my thing, and it didn't change whether people liked me or not. I just wanted to be accepted, and I had friends - but they didn't like ms. popular. I should have known. Be dumb, be popular...and get enemies. So, lesson learned. Years later, after being smart got me no friends, and being dumb got me too many - I go the bitch route. Total, complete, stuck up beyotch. Wayy harder to fake, but at least I didn't have any friends - and I could be my normal self with my close friends, everyone hated me - collectively. So, when you're trying to be a complete twat, but you're 100% witty, sarcastic nerd on the inside - when you have a boyfriend who is your polar opposite...it's really hard to be around them, let alone live with them (biggest mistake ever). What better way to travel down the long dark road of some serious depression? All alone - right where I landed myself. Looking back now, why did I feel like I needed to be accepted. I just wanted to be liked for who I was, but nobody likes the person they want to be at that age - I could have been a Harvard graduate if I didn't feel the need for acceptance...but who knows that in 1st grade?
It wasn't until I met my husband that I could be myself - honestly, I don't know how I would have made it through that time in my life without him. He let me BE me, he let me be nerdy, taught me how to relax and accept things as they are, he taught me that I can be myself - and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks, as long as I am the one whose happy. I never thought I'd be married at 24, happily married to say the least - but I got so lucky, so soooo lucky.
Here I am now, slowly but surely...returning to who I am, and allowing myself - friends or no friends - to accomplish my goals, and be the person that I want to be. A person I can look back on when I'm old a gray and say "damn, I had a hell of a time...and had a hell of a body" I value health the way most people value religion, because I know I have a limited time on this earth. We are blessed with free will, and emotions that animals cant perceive. We are so lucky to share in the human experience, I want mine to be as long as possible. If I can do that by staying healthy, well hot damn I will - and if getting on stage in a tiny bikini and heels is what will be a memorable moment in my life, then it's what I will do and I will allow myself to do it.
It's taken 14 years to realize what was broken - 14 years to see with new eyes, the person I can become.
It's never too late to live your dream, so fix what's broken first....and then go after it. Don't try to hide because you'll unravel....and when you do, it may be too late.
I haven't been doing anything but homework, working out and thinking for the past week.
Finals are killing me - that's what I get for slacking.
Not to mention I'm super stressed out, in Iraq...I have to remind myself because sometimes I forget I'm in a war zone because I have it really easy right now.
First, for those of you that follow this blog - I am sorry. I'm not one of those hippity-hoppity, bubbly bloggers. Just won't happen - not here anyways. I'm OFF on ANOTHER PLANET - I'm the analyzer, and I like to dig a little bit deeper because I really believe you have to fix what's broken on the inside FIRST before you try changing the outside. That's what this blog is for me - it's my voice. It's the things I'm thinking that I don't talk about - because this journey, is all mine - and I chose to share it with you. The world. I don't chose to share it with many of those around me because I really feel like NOBODY can understand us women who share this DREAM of standing on that stage, defying the odds, and LIVING the example. Not only that, but the judgement - the riddicule, the gossip...none of that is worth having in MY life.
And so be it - the birth of a blog.
Now, the journey starts with one step.
and continues by putting one foot in front of the other
with each and every decision, you move closer - or you move back - or you stop and stare.
I have stumbled, and stalled...and walked backwards forever until now.
I'm not sure if I really know the WHY - the reason for my stagnation, but I did know one thing when I started. When I became ready for this journey, I would know it. I would know it in my being, in all that I am. For anyone that thinks the road to competition is one of following a structured guideline, and being a guinea pig for a coach - I feel bad for them. The sheer power that transforming your body can do - it can make you, or break you if you let it. If you compete, and you don't know it in your bones that you want to continue - wait until that moment, like love at first sight...that you just know.
It took me 3 years to fix what's broken inside me. 3 years of roller coaster weight, different coaches, and different "excuses" - but those excuses, looking back now - was the universe saying "she's not ready". It takes more than just eating like a rabbit and going to the gym. It's all in the mind - the willpower, the serenity, the control and the passion - they all have to be there for anyone to succeed. I never started on this journey to be the best possible version of myself simply to just "lose some weight" - it's a complete transformation, from the weak-willed, insecure, uncomfortable and depressed girl I used to know into a woman who is strong, inside and out and who is confident, knowledgeable and happy and most of all - ready.
I wrote this in my own journal, but the deep down reason for not getting there (wherever that is) by now is because I never gave myself permission. I never allowed myself the opportunity to let go of the years as a chubby child, I never let go of the fat girl and gave permission for the fit girl to take over. I started on this road years ago when I was with my ex - who thought girls with muscle were gross, and who weighed only 130# himself. I'll never forget feeling so alone - and it drove me so far into my own messed up thinking, that if I did this - and followed through, nobody would ever love me - simply because he didn't love me the way I was, and sure as hell wouldn't for becoming the person I wanted to be. My husband, the one person who loved me way back then - was the only person that supported me 110% in any goals that I had. No matter how crazy I got, and how fickle I was - he always told me to keep going, but in my head I was still living in that corner of my mind - I had made myself believe that I really don't deserve it, and had conned myself into thinking I could never do it because I wasn't strong enough, and that something was broken and would never be repaired.
When all along, it was me.
I would try to be so perfect, then one slip up would send me into a downward spiral. I never gave myself permission to make mistakes. I did all the research for years, I knew what each macro nutrient does and could recite what amino acids do what, but I never gave myself permission to trust my own instincts. So, I hired coaches who I thought would take me from zero to hero with their master plans and formulas, not realizing I have what it takes simply because I never gave myself permission to be knowledgeable. I never, not once - allowed myself to think that I could possibly do it without the help of a "guru" but deep down inside, I wanted the pride of doing it all on my own. I never got out of my own way, and just followed what I know - instead of what I plan, then change, then plan again.
I never said "you can do it - because you WANT to" - I always thought "I made this goal - so I have to do it, because if I don't - well I'll be all talk just like everyone else."
I think deep down, I was afraid to NOT be like everyone else.
I'm soooo not like everyone else.
Saying that takes me back to first grade - seriously, I remember. I was the kid who won every single award at the end of the school year. Not even kidding - I was little miss perfect, for the simple fact that I loved learning. Total nerd, to this day. I remember getting the final award, "student of the year" and when I came back to sit on the bleachers heard a group of MY friends saying that I was a "teachers pet" so of course I got it - instead of being happy for me. I guess it's a natural human emotion, jealousy...but at 1st grade, for someone to remember that - it was my last year at that school, and my last year being myself. Move on to a new school, and try to fit in - easier said than done, but being mediocre wasn't my thing, and it didn't change whether people liked me or not. I just wanted to be accepted, and I had friends - but they didn't like ms. popular. I should have known. Be dumb, be popular...and get enemies. So, lesson learned. Years later, after being smart got me no friends, and being dumb got me too many - I go the bitch route. Total, complete, stuck up beyotch. Wayy harder to fake, but at least I didn't have any friends - and I could be my normal self with my close friends, everyone hated me - collectively. So, when you're trying to be a complete twat, but you're 100% witty, sarcastic nerd on the inside - when you have a boyfriend who is your polar opposite...it's really hard to be around them, let alone live with them (biggest mistake ever). What better way to travel down the long dark road of some serious depression? All alone - right where I landed myself. Looking back now, why did I feel like I needed to be accepted. I just wanted to be liked for who I was, but nobody likes the person they want to be at that age - I could have been a Harvard graduate if I didn't feel the need for acceptance...but who knows that in 1st grade?
It wasn't until I met my husband that I could be myself - honestly, I don't know how I would have made it through that time in my life without him. He let me BE me, he let me be nerdy, taught me how to relax and accept things as they are, he taught me that I can be myself - and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks, as long as I am the one whose happy. I never thought I'd be married at 24, happily married to say the least - but I got so lucky, so soooo lucky.
Here I am now, slowly but surely...returning to who I am, and allowing myself - friends or no friends - to accomplish my goals, and be the person that I want to be. A person I can look back on when I'm old a gray and say "damn, I had a hell of a time...and had a hell of a body" I value health the way most people value religion, because I know I have a limited time on this earth. We are blessed with free will, and emotions that animals cant perceive. We are so lucky to share in the human experience, I want mine to be as long as possible. If I can do that by staying healthy, well hot damn I will - and if getting on stage in a tiny bikini and heels is what will be a memorable moment in my life, then it's what I will do and I will allow myself to do it.
It's taken 14 years to realize what was broken - 14 years to see with new eyes, the person I can become.
It's never too late to live your dream, so fix what's broken first....and then go after it. Don't try to hide because you'll unravel....and when you do, it may be too late.
18 July 2011
No DOUBTS!
After some steady progress the past month...I got it in my head that it "wasn't enough" and I got the feeling that I would be better off if I suffered NOW and got the results.
Yeah, I started doubting the process.
Just like everyone does, at some point in their fitness journey. We perceive things as not moving at the speed we want them to, so we change something that's working FOR and WITH us...and look for something else.
My diet is relatively clean - not completely, but damn good. I know where the weak points are if I want to see the MOST progress.
I know I'm rambling right now....
I looked at Lyle Mcdonalds RAPID FAT LOSS PLAN - bought the book for 40$ - read some of it and then realized...it's a Keto diet WITHOUT the FAT! So protein, veggies and fish oil...oh and a cheat meal once a week with a refeed. Sorry, but to me this just might as well be the welcome wagon for binge eating. The diet is a modified protein sparring modified fat diet, or PSMF - which works well for those who are super lean, who use it for a few days prior to carb loading before a heavy workout (I can't wait till I'm lean enough to reap the benefits of a carb loading day...good lord). With that being said, the one good thing about the program is that he says straight up - it's a crash diet. More like a CRASH AND BURN IN THE FIERY DEPTHS OF FOOD COMA HELL!
Now, I'm not trying to bash this diet - but I'm a realist and if a diet comes with a DISCLAIMER it's not for me. It's not a long term solution, it's a short term - and it says not to do it for an extended period of time.I'm deployed people, and I'm trying to maintain my sanity...not create more insanity. I thought about the diet, and planned it out and was thinking "this will be great - lose weight real fast and have abs! ZOMG!" but then I started thinking....
at what cost?
I WILL feel like crap, guaranteed
I won't be able to - nor will I want to work out - and right now, I'm really enjoying the process of getting in shape with some killer, fun workouts.
and the realization was...I'm just not that desperate.
I want to do it right, and I want to feel good.
I don't want to do this ridiculous diet, have my hair fall out, start losing my mind in a deployment zone!
Nor do I want to look like skeletor!
This is a habit of mine - a bad one.
Change something...when it's working.
Not cool.
Your body doesn't like rapid change - and when it happens, it's built to fight back - and it will. So there goes all that hard work, all for some crash diet. Not only that, but the lack of nutrients isn't good either, and the list goes on.
That's from the website. Someone tell me that won't instill doubts in ANYONE - get that body in 7 weeks.
So, all that aside - no doubts from here on out. I took a day off yesterday only to see that I actually lost 1lb - the day after a cheat day.
The past few days my workouts have been terrible. I haven't felt good - I just get there and I feel like "ugh". I miss the hard and heavy destroyer workouts, but I know I can't handle them in a calorie deficit - I don't want to be so sore that I can't workout and I was actually starting to enjoy working out twice a day.
So, today I'm getting my mind right again - but instead of 70%, I'm aiming for 90%.
Oh, and you'll get some pictures soon. PROMISE.
Yeah, I started doubting the process.
Just like everyone does, at some point in their fitness journey. We perceive things as not moving at the speed we want them to, so we change something that's working FOR and WITH us...and look for something else.
My diet is relatively clean - not completely, but damn good. I know where the weak points are if I want to see the MOST progress.
I know I'm rambling right now....
I looked at Lyle Mcdonalds RAPID FAT LOSS PLAN - bought the book for 40$ - read some of it and then realized...it's a Keto diet WITHOUT the FAT! So protein, veggies and fish oil...oh and a cheat meal once a week with a refeed. Sorry, but to me this just might as well be the welcome wagon for binge eating. The diet is a modified protein sparring modified fat diet, or PSMF - which works well for those who are super lean, who use it for a few days prior to carb loading before a heavy workout (I can't wait till I'm lean enough to reap the benefits of a carb loading day...good lord). With that being said, the one good thing about the program is that he says straight up - it's a crash diet. More like a CRASH AND BURN IN THE FIERY DEPTHS OF FOOD COMA HELL!
Now, I'm not trying to bash this diet - but I'm a realist and if a diet comes with a DISCLAIMER it's not for me. It's not a long term solution, it's a short term - and it says not to do it for an extended period of time.I'm deployed people, and I'm trying to maintain my sanity...not create more insanity. I thought about the diet, and planned it out and was thinking "this will be great - lose weight real fast and have abs! ZOMG!" but then I started thinking....
at what cost?
I WILL feel like crap, guaranteed
I won't be able to - nor will I want to work out - and right now, I'm really enjoying the process of getting in shape with some killer, fun workouts.
and the realization was...I'm just not that desperate.
I want to do it right, and I want to feel good.
I don't want to do this ridiculous diet, have my hair fall out, start losing my mind in a deployment zone!
Nor do I want to look like skeletor!
This is a habit of mine - a bad one.
Change something...when it's working.
Not cool.
Your body doesn't like rapid change - and when it happens, it's built to fight back - and it will. So there goes all that hard work, all for some crash diet. Not only that, but the lack of nutrients isn't good either, and the list goes on.
That's from the website. Someone tell me that won't instill doubts in ANYONE - get that body in 7 weeks.
So, all that aside - no doubts from here on out. I took a day off yesterday only to see that I actually lost 1lb - the day after a cheat day.
The past few days my workouts have been terrible. I haven't felt good - I just get there and I feel like "ugh". I miss the hard and heavy destroyer workouts, but I know I can't handle them in a calorie deficit - I don't want to be so sore that I can't workout and I was actually starting to enjoy working out twice a day.
So, today I'm getting my mind right again - but instead of 70%, I'm aiming for 90%.
Oh, and you'll get some pictures soon. PROMISE.
14 July 2011
For real?
Don't worry...this isn't another muffin story!!
Yesterday was rough. I was at work, crabby and bored - and had a ton of homework I pushed to the back-burner. I just "felt" like I had to get my mind right - but I didn't know how. I lose focus too easily - I'm like a 5 year old with a new toy, and the new toy being my body...I wasn't seeing instant results, so I got bored with it.
I haven't been cheating on my diet, haven't gorged myself on any muffins...but I just wasn't feeling 100%. So, I chalked it up to a poop day, and that was that. I walked home in the 117 degree heat, and said - I'll just go to bed.
Well, I got in my room and stripped down into my undies and got my camera. DON'T WORRY..you can keep reading...
I bought a cheap powershot for like 50$ just for progress pictures here, and decided...today's the day. Lets look at this house I've built.
I prepared to be disappointing - I have not been 100% consistent, but have been right between compliance and almost off the wagon.
So, I set the timer and snapped away.
Loaded them onto my computer....
and almost cried.
I am still awestruck by my pictures.
I did my figure poses, which I have DOWN - and saw the definition in my legs. People, this is SERIOUS. I have HATED my legs since I was 10. I've always had strong quads, but my legs have never looked smooth - I just always thought they were gross. After 14 years of thinking that you hate your legs, it's kind of hard to believe you'll ever APPRECIATE them. All the hard work, and torment I have put them through - and they carry me around. My poor legs - I'm sorry for not loving you. I saw QUADS, like HELLO QUADS.
I looked at my front pose, and saw shoulders. There's such a change in my back (bye bye dreaded back fat), and boy oh boy...I have quite a shape.
I was truly awestruck by my body, and completely overjoyed with the progress.
Thats when I got bit.
The past few months, I've pushed it out of my head and tried to convince myself that I don't want to be a PRO. I tried and tried, and tried to stay away from just thinking about it. I can't. I'm obsessed with this goal, and I feel like....it's finally within reach. I didn't think I had the discipline, or the drive to "get there" - but that little spark of hope, that with hard work...it really DOES pay off.
Well, in simple terms - I am hooked.
Not only that but after surfing body space - I found
You guys really need to check her out - I know you'll get sucked in like I did.
I feel the power in me, and no - it's not gas. lol
I have found it, finally - and all this time it's been right there. In my legs.
Yesterday was rough. I was at work, crabby and bored - and had a ton of homework I pushed to the back-burner. I just "felt" like I had to get my mind right - but I didn't know how. I lose focus too easily - I'm like a 5 year old with a new toy, and the new toy being my body...I wasn't seeing instant results, so I got bored with it.
I haven't been cheating on my diet, haven't gorged myself on any muffins...but I just wasn't feeling 100%. So, I chalked it up to a poop day, and that was that. I walked home in the 117 degree heat, and said - I'll just go to bed.
Well, I got in my room and stripped down into my undies and got my camera. DON'T WORRY..you can keep reading...
I bought a cheap powershot for like 50$ just for progress pictures here, and decided...today's the day. Lets look at this house I've built.
I prepared to be disappointing - I have not been 100% consistent, but have been right between compliance and almost off the wagon.
So, I set the timer and snapped away.
Loaded them onto my computer....
and almost cried.
I am still awestruck by my pictures.
I did my figure poses, which I have DOWN - and saw the definition in my legs. People, this is SERIOUS. I have HATED my legs since I was 10. I've always had strong quads, but my legs have never looked smooth - I just always thought they were gross. After 14 years of thinking that you hate your legs, it's kind of hard to believe you'll ever APPRECIATE them. All the hard work, and torment I have put them through - and they carry me around. My poor legs - I'm sorry for not loving you. I saw QUADS, like HELLO QUADS.
I looked at my front pose, and saw shoulders. There's such a change in my back (bye bye dreaded back fat), and boy oh boy...I have quite a shape.
I was truly awestruck by my body, and completely overjoyed with the progress.
Thats when I got bit.
The past few months, I've pushed it out of my head and tried to convince myself that I don't want to be a PRO. I tried and tried, and tried to stay away from just thinking about it. I can't. I'm obsessed with this goal, and I feel like....it's finally within reach. I didn't think I had the discipline, or the drive to "get there" - but that little spark of hope, that with hard work...it really DOES pay off.
Well, in simple terms - I am hooked.
Not only that but after surfing body space - I found
I feel the power in me, and no - it's not gas. lol
I have found it, finally - and all this time it's been right there. In my legs.
13 July 2011
Muffin of DOOM
Somebody.Help.Me.
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Double chocolate chip muffins...the store bought, plant made, artificial kind. The ones that can last through a nuclear winter and taste AMAZING are calling my name. I learned my lesson about these though. They're evil - evil and DELICIOUS! I so so want one...but I just can't.
Arnold wouldn't be ARNOLD if he gave into every muffin temptation. Actually, I don't think muffins have the same effect on him as they do us mere mortals. Either way, he just wouldn't - the reasons don't matter.
Not everyone can be Mr.Olympia a zillion times over, but they CAN overcome temptation and stop that sweet tooth right in it's tracks all by exercising the powers of the mind.
The temptation was SO hardcore - I grabbed my little journal that I keep with me, and jotted it down. This was step one. I AKNOWLEDGED the want. I want a muffin - the chocolate insta-heaven one.
It wasn't successfull, so I thought...alright, I'll chew some gum. It wasn't until I noticed myself grinding my teeth like a drug addict that I realized I may just need HELP. LOL.... The gum didn't do anything but give me some funky tasting breath. Yes, gum. A mix of kiwi and coffee is not so good. 30 minutes away from meal time I caved - and ate my meal early. I HAD TOO...
I would have dived face first into those muffins, unwrapping them and stuffing them in my face until the point of no return.
I aknowledged the want, and found the fix. Not only was I somewhat hungry, but I was bored too. See what happens when you get bored!? This is just like sitting in front of the TV eating a bag of chips. The hand just keeps going and going, shoveling them in. Next thing you know, there's a whole bag of chips missing...and it's sitting in your lap.
Do I still want the muffin? Yep but, I know that acting like a child and throwing a mental hissy fit isn't going to do any good. It's the mental olympics up in here with how I was trying to JUSTIFY having acrack crap-filled muffin.
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So I got real honest with myself and said,
"HEY! YOU!"
"Go ahead, eat the muffin...but when you feel guilty later, and you skip the gym...and you're dissapointed with your results, and you beat yourself up about it and eat ANOTHER muffin to feel better...I hope you realized, you haven't learned anything...in the past, oh, 4 years!"
"Or you can just NOT EAT THE MUFFIN...and keep moving forward, hit the gym, sleep like a rock and not let your emotions take over!!"
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This converstation in my head seemed to work. Yeah, I STILL want the muffin but my WANTS got me here: chubby, uncomfortable, and full of insecurities. They surely didn't get me a set of visible abs, nope...not even close.
It's all about choices kids,
each day
each moment
some are hard
and some are simple
but simple *bad* choices add up
to bigger bad choices.
Throw a tiny pebble in a pond....and watch the ripples. That's what's happening when you say...just this once. Your brain starts thinking "this once...pfff...it'll work again", and that it does...until it's gone too far and you're heavy and miserable living in your own body.
I'm not going to get all woo-woo spiritual squishy right now, but really stop and think about the time that you've wasted "trying" to get there. There can be anywhere you want to be. The whole time you're thinking about it, you're not seeing the NOW. You are so engrossed in these dreams, and day dreams that you didn't stop to live. Once you finally get to that place - you won't know how to appreciate it - because you'll just be trying to get somewhere else.
I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to stop and smell the roses, not the muffins. I just know I have to enjoy this journey, because once it's over...I'll never want to look back and think "I shouldn't have had that muffin". Instead, I want to look back and think "I did it...one defeated muffin at a time"
Arnold wouldn't be ARNOLD if he gave into every muffin temptation. Actually, I don't think muffins have the same effect on him as they do us mere mortals. Either way, he just wouldn't - the reasons don't matter.
Not everyone can be Mr.Olympia a zillion times over, but they CAN overcome temptation and stop that sweet tooth right in it's tracks all by exercising the powers of the mind.
The temptation was SO hardcore - I grabbed my little journal that I keep with me, and jotted it down. This was step one. I AKNOWLEDGED the want. I want a muffin - the chocolate insta-heaven one.
It wasn't successfull, so I thought...alright, I'll chew some gum. It wasn't until I noticed myself grinding my teeth like a drug addict that I realized I may just need HELP. LOL.... The gum didn't do anything but give me some funky tasting breath. Yes, gum. A mix of kiwi and coffee is not so good. 30 minutes away from meal time I caved - and ate my meal early. I HAD TOO...
I would have dived face first into those muffins, unwrapping them and stuffing them in my face until the point of no return.
I aknowledged the want, and found the fix. Not only was I somewhat hungry, but I was bored too. See what happens when you get bored!? This is just like sitting in front of the TV eating a bag of chips. The hand just keeps going and going, shoveling them in. Next thing you know, there's a whole bag of chips missing...and it's sitting in your lap.
Do I still want the muffin? Yep but, I know that acting like a child and throwing a mental hissy fit isn't going to do any good. It's the mental olympics up in here with how I was trying to JUSTIFY having a
"HEY! YOU!"
"Go ahead, eat the muffin...but when you feel guilty later, and you skip the gym...and you're dissapointed with your results, and you beat yourself up about it and eat ANOTHER muffin to feel better...I hope you realized, you haven't learned anything...in the past, oh, 4 years!"
"Or you can just NOT EAT THE MUFFIN...and keep moving forward, hit the gym, sleep like a rock and not let your emotions take over!!"
This converstation in my head seemed to work. Yeah, I STILL want the muffin but my WANTS got me here: chubby, uncomfortable, and full of insecurities. They surely didn't get me a set of visible abs, nope...not even close.
It's all about choices kids,
each day
each moment
some are hard
and some are simple
but simple *bad* choices add up
to bigger bad choices.
Throw a tiny pebble in a pond....and watch the ripples. That's what's happening when you say...just this once. Your brain starts thinking "this once...pfff...it'll work again", and that it does...until it's gone too far and you're heavy and miserable living in your own body.
I'm not going to get all woo-woo spiritual squishy right now, but really stop and think about the time that you've wasted "trying" to get there. There can be anywhere you want to be. The whole time you're thinking about it, you're not seeing the NOW. You are so engrossed in these dreams, and day dreams that you didn't stop to live. Once you finally get to that place - you won't know how to appreciate it - because you'll just be trying to get somewhere else.
I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to stop and smell the roses, not the muffins. I just know I have to enjoy this journey, because once it's over...I'll never want to look back and think "I shouldn't have had that muffin". Instead, I want to look back and think "I did it...one defeated muffin at a time"
11 July 2011
Get it Tight, Get it Right.
I LOVE physique competitions - plain and simple. I love seeing how each competitor puts themselves together from the endless hours in the gym, to suit detail and stage presentation that comes through photos.
I have MAD RESPECT for anyone that can get up on that stage with confidence in a teeny tiny bikini, and strut their stuff knowing that there will be a million +1 eyes on them - not just on stage, but off.
Which brings me to my favorite thing to do - ANALYZE contestant photos - from first place to last there is a reason each and every girl is on that stage. Whether they've won their first NQ, or they have been competing on the National stage for years there is always something that's great about their physique. With the good, comes the bad as well - there are girls with no experience and it shows. Not only does it come down to getting your physique the way the judges want it, but hair and makeup as well.
So after Team Universe, I'm going through photos and here are some things I'm noticing - good and bad.
**Disclaimer ** If I offend ANYONE that is not my intention. My hopes is to bring certain aspects to light something each girl missed or simply overlooked, or was completely unaware of, and take it with a grain of salt because I have NEVER competed before - but I have been eyes on since '06 so in my head I know what I'm talking about (and most of you may or may not agree) and it's the biggest reason I WON'T get on that stage until I LOOK like I belong there.This is why my blog revolves around opinions, and not scientific fact unless otherwise noted.
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I have MAD RESPECT for anyone that can get up on that stage with confidence in a teeny tiny bikini, and strut their stuff knowing that there will be a million +1 eyes on them - not just on stage, but off.
Which brings me to my favorite thing to do - ANALYZE contestant photos - from first place to last there is a reason each and every girl is on that stage. Whether they've won their first NQ, or they have been competing on the National stage for years there is always something that's great about their physique. With the good, comes the bad as well - there are girls with no experience and it shows. Not only does it come down to getting your physique the way the judges want it, but hair and makeup as well.
So after Team Universe, I'm going through photos and here are some things I'm noticing - good and bad.
**Disclaimer ** If I offend ANYONE that is not my intention. My hopes is to bring certain aspects to light something each girl missed or simply overlooked, or was completely unaware of, and take it with a grain of salt because I have NEVER competed before - but I have been eyes on since '06 so in my head I know what I'm talking about (and most of you may or may not agree) and it's the biggest reason I WON'T get on that stage until I LOOK like I belong there.This is why my blog revolves around opinions, and not scientific fact unless otherwise noted.
I have NO CLUE who most of these girls are because I can only use BB.com and they don't have all their names linked to photos - with that said, it'll be interesting to see how high some of these girls placed.
Class B - This girl has GREAT LINES and reminds me of Alicia Harris' build but is softer - I think she nailed the leaness the judges were looking for in the lower body. Her arms are proportionate - there are some girls with overpowering triceps that take away from shoulder definition but her arms have the leanness without the bulk. From the backside, her tie in could use just a little more tightening up but overall presentation is on spot - suit color, hair and jewlery. 8/10
Class A - Here's the whole leanness thing which is a problem with women - the upper body strings out before the lower body can catch up. This is why IFBB pro's are just that...professionals. I can't imagine how hard it is to get your legs to come in at 12 weeks of dieting. The key here for most is plyo plyo, lay off the heavy weights and GET OFF THE TREADMILL unless you're doing intervals with plyo inbetween sprints.
Beautiful girl, great suit just unbalanced.
Holy legs batman...this girl has some WHEELS. Great physique, would like to see a little bit tighter in the legs but overall she has a very BALANCED look which seems to be what the judges favor. No extremes in musculatiry, or softness - just a nice balance. Also, if she wasn't turning in this picture I think it would show her off better. Her left arm is a little behind which doesn't make her look as full in the shoulders as she is.
What do you guys think about the above? Agree or disagree?
This is only a few of the girls, I haven't had time to look through many photos yet - but so far, these shorter girls are on their game.
Tall ladies up next...
08 July 2011
Can I has sleep prease?
The past few days I have been EXHAUSTED. I seriously am beginning to worry because I think I'm getting enough sleep - around 6-7 hours at the most. I just don't feel like I'm "sleeping" well. It stinks.
So my workouts have been non-existent because my only way to sleep is to NOT WORKOUT. I don't like working out if I feel like I'm getting sick, and my exhaustion is telling me that something might be on the way.
Then today, I realized...sleeping in isn't doing me any good. Maybe I really do need to hit the gym, and sleep in on my off day. I think my body is thinking "hmm..well if I act tired, and she doesn't workout...I get to lay in bed...so lets keep this whole feeling like crap thing up."
You can't fool me...
How much do you guys sleep a night?
Today I'm finally buckling down to put a diet together. I HATE going to the chow hall and wandering around looking for something to eat....that I want to eat. It's better for me to plan my times, and meals out...that way my eyeballs don't lead me over to the eggroll section...AKA fried foods. Serious fatty pants over here wants egg rolls and pad thai so bad. OMG...pad thai..........
.....
.....
....
foood boner.
Okay, enough of that. I can't believe I have to wait 3 more months for PAD THAI. Damnit!!!
My hubs and I changed our workouts too - now it's 3 BW crossfit workouts a week, and 3 supplemental lifting days, so I'll post that on the workout section of the blog...along with my nutrition since I've been slacking...
I'm off to torture my eyeballs some more and read my boring Sociology book. YAY!
06 July 2011
No...excuses?
Hope everyone's 4th of July was as exciting as mine (see above ^^)
Everything in this hott desert is going the same as it did yesterday, with the exception of me finally buckling down to do homework and getting to the gym after 2 days
I know, I know...didn't we talk about this already.
I've had a crazy couple of days, for excuse #1. For #2, I've just been tired...but here, I'm always tired. So that shouldn't be an excuse.
I made a promise to myself to start working on my DISCIPLINE.
Now, for a little lesson thanks to dictionary.com
DISCIPLINE is an activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill
another addition to that is
training, whether physical, mental, or moral
Yes.
This is my purpose here. Physical, mental, moral and spiritual training. I am NOT very disciplined, and haven't been - EVER. I said it. It feels good to get it off my chest, but I WANT to be disciplined. I want to be strong in ALL aspects of my being. I WANT to be consistently good at LIVING my life the way I want to, and not just dreaming and thinking "I wish I would do that..."
It seems so silly to think that all this time I've been living in my head, layered by my insecurities, my emotions, and my fear of judgement that I have purposefully trapped myself in this asylum of "I wish". It's not who I FEEL like I am deep down inside.
There's a person who I let into my life, who betrayed me in that sense. The story is, he made himself look like someone he wasn't - told me everything I wanted to hear, to believe that he was going to change his life around and become somebody that someday others would look up to. Well, he made ME believe that he was positive, motivated, honest and dedicated - only to my dismay, did after things fall through did I see that I was just a pawn in his game of chess. He used me, and my husband to get what he wanted - and bounced. The sad thing is, the whole time he was pretending to be someone he's not - it never dawned on him that those little lies, add up to bigger ones, then it takes bigger lies to cover them up. He never stopped to BE the person he was talking about, and will sadly...probably never become the person he wants to be the most.
I DON'T want to be that, and although my way of living is much different - I still feel like I'm in a struggle to be the person I want to become. There's this Buddhist way of thinking that says to take the path of least resistance, that when it's right....it's like water flowing down a stream, completely effortless. I KNOW I create this struggle by RESISTING these wishes that I have. I am creating the resistance by making excuses, and ignoring my true desires. It's not that we're not cut out for it because it's difficult....it's simply that we sometimes get in our own way to avoid the present action versus the future outcome. Now, granted...I believe if you don't love what you're doing - then the goal probably isn't in your best interest but now that I've come this far...I love it.
It's such a warm, happy feeling inside when I step in the gym - and leave all the stress of deploying, and all the anxiety that comes with it at the door. I feel like superwoman in the gym, and my only kryptonite is my fat alter ego who wants the instant gratification of defeating my fit self.
Oh, the joys of blogging your feelings and thoughts on the internet for all to see. Hopefully, this helps someone. Can I get an AMEN?
Onto other things, the whole point of no excuses came from the fact that I will probably end up working a few 15 and 16 hour days in the near future. Talk about CRAPPY...because at this point in the game, I'm having a hard time functioning on less than 6 hours of sleep. I thought about it, and only let myself mull over it for a good hour or so...and then thought...I can let it make, or break me.
The choice is mine.
I can say "well, I didn't sleep...so I'm tired...because I'm tired, I won't workout...and because I didn't workout, I can cheat on my diet...and because I cheated, well I guess I'll feel guilty."
OR I can say "well, I didn't sleep...and although I'm tired, I know getting to the gym will make me feel better...and because I worked out, I'm going to eat healthy and maintain this discipline...and thanks to staying on track, I won't have to feel guilty about it...and I can always get more sleep...on the plane ride home (in a few months lol)"
In essence, I am rewiring my brain and looking at it as an opportunity to EXCEED instead of thinking I'm DOOMED to failure. It's amazing what a little perspective can give you.
Luckily I have the common sense to know that those abs don't come without busting bootey in the gym, and eating clean...99.9% of the time. Goodbye Oreo's and helloooo carrot sticks - I say this with joy.
03 July 2011
Happy Holiday; Don't read this if you're allergic...
...to pictures of ridiculously amazing looking food. Or if you may end up cheating on your diet because of it.
You can't say I didn't warn you.
Now, proceed.
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You can't say I didn't warn you.
Now, proceed.
Happy Independance Day!
I hope all of you are enjoying a *day off* and time with loved ones.
I'm not going to get all mushy, and be like "I'm deployed on the 4th of July and want all this praise" because I don't. I can't see myself doing anything else (except having a bakery, seriously I wish I was kidding...but all I want to do is bake when I get home) so don't thank me, thank your older veterans, thank the wives and husbands of those who sacrificed themselves, but don't thank me - I'm just doing my job, just like everyone else. I know the risk, and I accept it and it's all worth it in the end. Freedom is a beautiful thing. *le sigh* Now, if only I could get a day off and SLEEP IN. Maybe I would be more of a beautiful thing if I didn't have bags under my eyes, and frizzy ass hair every day (because you can't order harispray over here!!)
So today, aside from doing a blog overhaul - expect to see me around more. I spend most of my day in a big building alone, so I really need an outlet and things to keep me busy. Fitness, and health is my passion - and after going over it in my head a few times, it's the one thing that I think is missing from most people's lives. Not fitness, but passion. I love talking about it, writing about it, and now..for the first time in my life, DOING IT. Yep, I have sacrificed myself to the fitness gods. No longer am I resisting the no pain, no gain mentality. I'm embracing it, like my alter ego would a big double chocolate chip cookie right now...
Sorry for those of you about to step on stage...I'm sorry you had to see that.
My alter ego? It's true. We all have one - actually I think I have two. One side is logical, intellectual and fit. The other is emotional, self-gratifying and fat. They battle it out in my head, but now more than ever...my FIT BRAIN is winning...and that's because I want it to but that's a story for another day.
Going back to the picture above, you have GOT to be kidding me that I have access to a website called "foodporndaily" but I can't get to fitness websites for "provocative attire". There's nothing in the URL that screams - PORN PORN PORN, but I guess the word PORN added with FOOD doesn't throw any red flags (and probably thanks to this post, my blog will come up when everyone searches for PORN...sorry dudes, real sorry to dissapoint). Do NOT go to that website, unless you want a food boner. I said it, but it's so true..that and some DROOL on your face.
I'll have to update on my progress tomorrow, because I forgot my chart...along with my brain, back in my room. I've had a very strange past couple of days.
02 July 2011
Pants don't lie, but people do.
Literally,
Out bathroom is outside, and I'm not even kidding when I say it's just too hot to pee.
I would drink more water if I didn't have to walk to go to the bathroom...
Pathetic, I know.
and holy back pain today batman.
I did some heavy deadlifts the other day, and my back tubes are killing me.
The husband and I have re-named the erector spinae back tubes...simply because, that's what they look like
when you're ripped...
One month down, and three more to go.
I'm feeling pretty darn good after giving myself a little pep talk,
and reminding myself that people actually want me to fail.
Thanks for the comments BTW, I can't comment on anything which sucks.
I'm not really the type of person who thinks people are "out to get me"
but how many times have you guys just FELT that there are actually people
betting against you?
There are those that DOUBT your abilities, without even knowing you!
I don't think anyone can truly understand military life, and the high-school drama without being in it.
The biggest problem, especially when you're deployed, is there are people that come and go.
While most people take that as an opportunity to make friends and network, I have learned too many
valuable lessons about people's true motives in the military. There are very few who are actually out to help others. Everyone else is in it for themselves - they put people down to take the pressure and blame off them, they ignore their own sub-par performance and critizize others, they're nosy and dramatic, self-centered and petty - they only want to get to know you, so they have someone else to talk about.
I could go on forever...
I know those of you who don't have experience with the military lifestyle can probably relate to the same type of drama in your workplace.
The whole "why do you eat so healthy?", "why are you always working out"....
that kind of stuff really gets under my skin.
Because...WHY THE HELL SHOULDN'T I?
Because it's different, abnormal, or weird? - I'm not your average bear okay!!
I'm a total nerd, a science geek, a wiz kid..whatever you want to call me.
So naturally, the human body - my body, is my biggest experiment and I love doing what I do.
DAMN...
I feel better.
I was thinking about starting to track virtually everything on here for the last 3 months, and I think I'll be able to for a good while. I always say I want to look back on something, and have a record of what works and what doesn't...I just haven't decided if it will be public or private yet. Also, it's kind of hard being deployed with limited access to EVERYTHING.
Oh, and I PROMISE to take some pictures soon...
seriously, I'm terrible at this.
Did I mention I haven't lost a pound yet.
Totally over it, I'm leaner..my pants are falling off...seriously..
So screw the scale, all it does is make me mad.
Pants don't lie.
Unless they're stretch pants...
then, you probably shouldn't be using them to guage your progress...
30 June 2011
It's stupid to quit.
The internet here is stupid.
I can't comment on any blogs.
Along with the internet...I am pretty stupid
for thinking that because it's "lady time" it's okay to take two days off.
Yeah, yeah
I believe in the whole "listen to your body" thing,
but that excuse I use waaay to often.
Walking home from the gym, I realized if I used this excuse once a month
on top of other excuses,
well...I wouldn't get anywhere.
Plain and simple!
Consistency really is key, and being on top of things day in..and day out
is the most important.
Who has ever looked back on a journey like this and thought
"damn, I should have taken more days off?"
YOU'RE KIDDING YOURSELF!
I don't want to be on my way home thinking...
I should have done more.
Now is THE time, and everything is working in MY favor
No matter the onstacles, it's my choice to succeed
just like it's EVERYONE'S choice as well.
So, back at it we go.
It's not like I fell off the wagon or anything,
I just hit a speed bump.
and I'm glad I'm finally being honest with MYSELF
and seeing these things now, and making changes
that way I don't regret it later.
Don't ever quit, and definitely don't give up
because there are people that WANT to see you fail
and you wouldn't want to make them happy...would you?
I can't comment on any blogs.
Along with the internet...I am pretty stupid
for thinking that because it's "lady time" it's okay to take two days off.
Yeah, yeah
I believe in the whole "listen to your body" thing,
but that excuse I use waaay to often.
Walking home from the gym, I realized if I used this excuse once a month
on top of other excuses,
well...I wouldn't get anywhere.
Plain and simple!
Consistency really is key, and being on top of things day in..and day out
is the most important.
Who has ever looked back on a journey like this and thought
"damn, I should have taken more days off?"
YOU'RE KIDDING YOURSELF!
I don't want to be on my way home thinking...
I should have done more.
Now is THE time, and everything is working in MY favor
No matter the onstacles, it's my choice to succeed
just like it's EVERYONE'S choice as well.
So, back at it we go.
It's not like I fell off the wagon or anything,
I just hit a speed bump.
and I'm glad I'm finally being honest with MYSELF
and seeing these things now, and making changes
that way I don't regret it later.
Don't ever quit, and definitely don't give up
because there are people that WANT to see you fail
and you wouldn't want to make them happy...would you?
25 June 2011
Brain Ninja
mon-o-tony.
I had to double check my spelling on that one, it's one of those words that never looks like it's right.
And, here I am...I think I'm close to 30 days in the suck.
This is where things start draggin' ass (I'll have you know, mine is far from dragging...hee hee)
I'm hellaciously bored, and I think I've already found the end of our limited internet.
I'm very tired (definitely due to boredom) and can't stop watching SMALLVILLE.
Such a teenage soap opera, but good nonetheless.
Onto other things, my husband and I made a pact a few weeks ago.
I have access to one scale - and because my husband is trying to gain weight, he's always really happy when he sees an increase (regardless of the fact I told him it's unreliable, he's happy and that's all that matters).
However, the last time I stepped on the scale - I fell into the same mentality that most people do when they're trying to lose weight and don't see an improvement.
.......think WTF am I doing wrong, and blow a whole week on cookies, and honeybuns...
Okay, normally that's what I would do. I think I did have a cookie (or two), but it was my "treat day"
After seeing my reaction, my husband and I said....NO MORE SCALE for me.
Once a month (yeah, who am I kidding?) and because I'm co-dependent, I always go to the gym with him so it's supervised scale time.
Well, last night I really wanted to see what I weigh. My body is tighter, my waist is smaller, I FEEL LIGHTER (weird, but true) and I'm happy with the way I see things moving. So, I tell my husband that I want to check my weight.
I got a big NO...
Usually, I'm brain ninja him into letting me do it, but this time he wasn't having it....at all.
I thought maybe he'd forget, and I'd try after our workout.
Again...no, but I did get a
"you can weigh yourself next week"
I got brain ninja'd because now I see what he did, now I'm MOTIVATED TO SEE PROGRESS instead of being dissappointed. Not only that, but I actually want to work HARDER to see bigger improvements.
Job well done, husband.
Right now we're both doing a workout program I printed off the Precision Nutrition website. It's a contest prep plan by Chad Thibadeau, and although we're not in contest prep mode, my husband and I are seeing pretty good gains with it. He was confused at first and was wondering why I'd want to do a bodybuilding plan since my goal is to "dial it in", but I explained it's all about the diet - and now we're both seeing it first hand. I'm getting smaller, and fuller. He's getting bigger and broader. This workout is a 2 upper body, and 2 lower body days a week - but we've added in some custom metabolic circuit workouts, inspired by crossfit to help us get in good cardio shape and get leaner. Its a GREAT program, and anyone who has Precision Nutrition should check it out.
The past week I've added in cardio alternating with ab ripper at the end of the day. It wasn't so much for the weight loss benefit, as much as it is for the stress relief, and sleep benefits. I haven't been sleeping very well, and added cardio a day last week which really helped me sleep. I'm actually enjoying my workouts, the only thing that's difficult is getting out of bed in the morning...but isn't that reality for everyone?
Work hard, and the results will follow!
That's the lesson for the day.
I had to double check my spelling on that one, it's one of those words that never looks like it's right.
And, here I am...I think I'm close to 30 days in the suck.
This is where things start draggin' ass (I'll have you know, mine is far from dragging...hee hee)
I'm hellaciously bored, and I think I've already found the end of our limited internet.
I'm very tired (definitely due to boredom) and can't stop watching SMALLVILLE.
Such a teenage soap opera, but good nonetheless.
Onto other things, my husband and I made a pact a few weeks ago.
I have access to one scale - and because my husband is trying to gain weight, he's always really happy when he sees an increase (regardless of the fact I told him it's unreliable, he's happy and that's all that matters).
However, the last time I stepped on the scale - I fell into the same mentality that most people do when they're trying to lose weight and don't see an improvement.
.......think WTF am I doing wrong, and blow a whole week on cookies, and honeybuns...
Okay, normally that's what I would do. I think I did have a cookie (or two), but it was my "treat day"
After seeing my reaction, my husband and I said....NO MORE SCALE for me.
Once a month (yeah, who am I kidding?) and because I'm co-dependent, I always go to the gym with him so it's supervised scale time.
Well, last night I really wanted to see what I weigh. My body is tighter, my waist is smaller, I FEEL LIGHTER (weird, but true) and I'm happy with the way I see things moving. So, I tell my husband that I want to check my weight.
I got a big NO...
Usually, I'm brain ninja him into letting me do it, but this time he wasn't having it....at all.
I thought maybe he'd forget, and I'd try after our workout.
Again...no, but I did get a
"you can weigh yourself next week"
I got brain ninja'd because now I see what he did, now I'm MOTIVATED TO SEE PROGRESS instead of being dissappointed. Not only that, but I actually want to work HARDER to see bigger improvements.
Job well done, husband.
Right now we're both doing a workout program I printed off the Precision Nutrition website. It's a contest prep plan by Chad Thibadeau, and although we're not in contest prep mode, my husband and I are seeing pretty good gains with it. He was confused at first and was wondering why I'd want to do a bodybuilding plan since my goal is to "dial it in", but I explained it's all about the diet - and now we're both seeing it first hand. I'm getting smaller, and fuller. He's getting bigger and broader. This workout is a 2 upper body, and 2 lower body days a week - but we've added in some custom metabolic circuit workouts, inspired by crossfit to help us get in good cardio shape and get leaner. Its a GREAT program, and anyone who has Precision Nutrition should check it out.
The past week I've added in cardio alternating with ab ripper at the end of the day. It wasn't so much for the weight loss benefit, as much as it is for the stress relief, and sleep benefits. I haven't been sleeping very well, and added cardio a day last week which really helped me sleep. I'm actually enjoying my workouts, the only thing that's difficult is getting out of bed in the morning...but isn't that reality for everyone?
Work hard, and the results will follow!
That's the lesson for the day.
11 June 2011
Life in the battlezone.
IRAQ.
I'm sure nothing pleasant comes to mind when anyone hears the word DEPLOYMENT, throw IRAQ or MIDDLE EAST in the mix and people start cringing, and usually praying. I'm not saying it's without reason, but this has turned into my mandatory vacation.
Being deployed has never been a "bad" or hard thing for me personally. Every deployment I learn something new about myself, I grow as a person spiritually and mentally, and it's rare that I return home frazzled - I'm usually eager, motivated, and ready to take on the world. Quite a change from what most people assume a deployment is like, but I guess your outlook changes when you take on a new perspective!
So, what's life like for a figure girl in Iraq? I know everyone is dying to know (insert sarcasm!).
My day starts at 930 PM.
I wake up, run to the potty (our potty is a trailer that has toilets and showers, which happens to be a couple hundred feet away which makes for a really interesting morning especially when you're used to running to the bathroom in bare feet and undies. Can't really do that here!) and hope I don't stub my toe on a rock, brush my teeth, take my daily dose of Jack3d and a protein shake and head to the gym with my husband!
He's here too! Did I mention that? On another shift, but when he gets out of work - I have 3 hours until I go to work, so we get to spend the most important time of the day together - GYM TIME!
Off to the gym, which happens to be a 5 minute walk through our compound in the dark. The gyms here are AMAZING, and surprisingly much more equipped than some I've seen back home. We have a building dedicated to weights, and a separate room for cardio bunnies - which rocks, because there's no more awkward staring happening from dudes thinking their working out on the elliptical.
The hubs and I have different goals (as always when it comes to bodybuilding) - he is getting swole, while I am getting lean. He's a small guy, and has put on a good amount of weight the past month which makes a HUGE difference in his physique. He's seen the changes, and he's hooked - I'm super proud, because even he says I taught him everything he knows! <3
We stick around in the gym no more than 45minutes to an hour which gives me time for a good circuit workout, and enough time to run back to our living area, hop in the shower and head to work.
Work this year is ....different...
It's much easier than I had really anticipated, and much of my time is spent doing homework, and watching movies. I wish I was kidding. I'm here for when shit hits the proverbial fan, so until it does...I'm sitting pretty in air conditioning. This time at work is "me time" - this is when I read, study and research, and in between intermittent bouts of work...get some quiet time. One thing you have to understand, is every job is different and every mission is different, in a deployed environment we all have our place and fill a specific role, whether it be a gate guard, or a troop on the front line. This is by no means a NORMAL deployment and I am not trying to downplay the importance of what we're doing for this country, and it's people - regardless, everyone here is out of their element, away from home and on edge...including myself, but that doesn't mean it can't be a positive and beneficial experience.
During work, I do the most EATING. The chow hall is a hop and skip away which is a godsend in 110 degree heat. I'm following PRECISION NUTRITION (I bought the program YEARS ago, and finally said - if GSP is doing it, and having amazing results...well so will I. GSP is the UFC welterweight champion, and my imaginary second husband, and inspriation...aside from Arnold, and Gina Aliotti of course!)
Food is the same thing, almost every day:
Pre-workout - Dymatize blend with H20
Post workout (when I get into work)- sliced tukey on wheat bread with pickles, and yogurt with fruit
(the yogurt here is AMAZING! Natural, and perfect post workout)
M1- 4 egg whites, 1C fruit, carrot sticks w/ PB
(the egg whites are usually covered in oil because they spray the grill down like a slip and slide, and the PB is in perfectly portioned packets...21g each - you win some, you lose some!)
M2 - I grab lettuce, tomato, cucumber and carrot sticks at breakfast to have with a protein shake
M3 - Grilled chicken breast, 2C cooked broccolli and fruit, sometimes a small baked potato depending on my workout
M4 - Casein shake & carrot sticks before bed
I'm eating every 2-3.5 hours with veggies at ALMOST every meal. This is the first time I've deployed and have been able to follow a meal schedule, and actually be able to go get food 3x a day!
My only supplements are fishoil, a multivitamin, GNC hair skin and nails,my pre-workout Jack3d, and some amino energy before cardio.
I wonder if I'll turn orange from all the carrots?
After work, I head over to do cardio - sometimes steady state, sometimes HIIT and every other day without fail, pop in my ab ripper x on my mini laptop in my room.
Then it's time to hit the shower, and get in bed at 230PM to do it all over again!
That is my life here, simple and easy...for now.
I get to do this for 16 weeks!
The one personality quirk I have (out of many) is that I always want to be prepared. I have this innate need, especially when it comes to changing my physique, to make sure I have all the necessary tools for when crap does happen. I do NOT want to have to eat MRE's, and definitely don't want to be stuck without any way to weight train.I just ordered a set of exercise bands, and am looking into a few more "travel" workout necessities (if anyone has any other suggestions or ideas, shoot me an e-mail!) Granted, I only have 1 bag to have all my stuff in but I think that workout gear TRUMPS everything aside from toiletries.
So folks, that's it! Now that I'm in the groove, and getting "it" done - don't be surprised to hear more from me!
I'm sure nothing pleasant comes to mind when anyone hears the word DEPLOYMENT, throw IRAQ or MIDDLE EAST in the mix and people start cringing, and usually praying. I'm not saying it's without reason, but this has turned into my mandatory vacation.
Being deployed has never been a "bad" or hard thing for me personally. Every deployment I learn something new about myself, I grow as a person spiritually and mentally, and it's rare that I return home frazzled - I'm usually eager, motivated, and ready to take on the world. Quite a change from what most people assume a deployment is like, but I guess your outlook changes when you take on a new perspective!
So, what's life like for a figure girl in Iraq? I know everyone is dying to know (insert sarcasm!).
My day starts at 930 PM.
I wake up, run to the potty (our potty is a trailer that has toilets and showers, which happens to be a couple hundred feet away which makes for a really interesting morning especially when you're used to running to the bathroom in bare feet and undies. Can't really do that here!) and hope I don't stub my toe on a rock, brush my teeth, take my daily dose of Jack3d and a protein shake and head to the gym with my husband!
He's here too! Did I mention that? On another shift, but when he gets out of work - I have 3 hours until I go to work, so we get to spend the most important time of the day together - GYM TIME!
Off to the gym, which happens to be a 5 minute walk through our compound in the dark. The gyms here are AMAZING, and surprisingly much more equipped than some I've seen back home. We have a building dedicated to weights, and a separate room for cardio bunnies - which rocks, because there's no more awkward staring happening from dudes thinking their working out on the elliptical.
The hubs and I have different goals (as always when it comes to bodybuilding) - he is getting swole, while I am getting lean. He's a small guy, and has put on a good amount of weight the past month which makes a HUGE difference in his physique. He's seen the changes, and he's hooked - I'm super proud, because even he says I taught him everything he knows! <3
We stick around in the gym no more than 45minutes to an hour which gives me time for a good circuit workout, and enough time to run back to our living area, hop in the shower and head to work.
Work this year is ....different...
It's much easier than I had really anticipated, and much of my time is spent doing homework, and watching movies. I wish I was kidding. I'm here for when shit hits the proverbial fan, so until it does...I'm sitting pretty in air conditioning. This time at work is "me time" - this is when I read, study and research, and in between intermittent bouts of work...get some quiet time. One thing you have to understand, is every job is different and every mission is different, in a deployed environment we all have our place and fill a specific role, whether it be a gate guard, or a troop on the front line. This is by no means a NORMAL deployment and I am not trying to downplay the importance of what we're doing for this country, and it's people - regardless, everyone here is out of their element, away from home and on edge...including myself, but that doesn't mean it can't be a positive and beneficial experience.
During work, I do the most EATING. The chow hall is a hop and skip away which is a godsend in 110 degree heat. I'm following PRECISION NUTRITION (I bought the program YEARS ago, and finally said - if GSP is doing it, and having amazing results...well so will I. GSP is the UFC welterweight champion, and my imaginary second husband, and inspriation...aside from Arnold, and Gina Aliotti of course!)
Food is the same thing, almost every day:
Pre-workout - Dymatize blend with H20
Post workout (when I get into work)- sliced tukey on wheat bread with pickles, and yogurt with fruit
(the yogurt here is AMAZING! Natural, and perfect post workout)
M1- 4 egg whites, 1C fruit, carrot sticks w/ PB
(the egg whites are usually covered in oil because they spray the grill down like a slip and slide, and the PB is in perfectly portioned packets...21g each - you win some, you lose some!)
M2 - I grab lettuce, tomato, cucumber and carrot sticks at breakfast to have with a protein shake
M3 - Grilled chicken breast, 2C cooked broccolli and fruit, sometimes a small baked potato depending on my workout
M4 - Casein shake & carrot sticks before bed
I'm eating every 2-3.5 hours with veggies at ALMOST every meal. This is the first time I've deployed and have been able to follow a meal schedule, and actually be able to go get food 3x a day!
My only supplements are fishoil, a multivitamin, GNC hair skin and nails,my pre-workout Jack3d, and some amino energy before cardio.
I wonder if I'll turn orange from all the carrots?
After work, I head over to do cardio - sometimes steady state, sometimes HIIT and every other day without fail, pop in my ab ripper x on my mini laptop in my room.
Then it's time to hit the shower, and get in bed at 230PM to do it all over again!
That is my life here, simple and easy...for now.
I get to do this for 16 weeks!
The one personality quirk I have (out of many) is that I always want to be prepared. I have this innate need, especially when it comes to changing my physique, to make sure I have all the necessary tools for when crap does happen. I do NOT want to have to eat MRE's, and definitely don't want to be stuck without any way to weight train.I just ordered a set of exercise bands, and am looking into a few more "travel" workout necessities (if anyone has any other suggestions or ideas, shoot me an e-mail!) Granted, I only have 1 bag to have all my stuff in but I think that workout gear TRUMPS everything aside from toiletries.
So folks, that's it! Now that I'm in the groove, and getting "it" done - don't be surprised to hear more from me!
02 June 2011
A Revelation...
I know there's a reason why life throws you curve balls and expects you to either get out of the way, or stand and take the hit. Life threw me a good 5 in the past few months, and by few...I mean 2. A lot of hard times, and some good...
When there's good, it's just unreasonable to think that there can't be any bad....lesson learned.
I know I'm being so ultra, super vague but the details I won't go into.
Lets just say, when shit hits the fan....it can break you, or make you.
I choose the latter.
I think throughout my life I've had periods of GREAT GROWTH as a person, and they always come with a big turn of events - joining the military, having my first big break up, marrying my husband...and so on. Those things aren't catastrophic, but they are what has taken me from the person I used to be to the person I am today.
More recently I learned some hard lessons on the person I need to be, and it's becoming much clearer to me now why life has thrown me such big curve balls in such a short period of time.
My goals have changed over the past few months and I have taken the pressure of a figure competition off myself for good (I suggest everyone who ever had this as a goal do the same). I'm going to just let it happen, when the time is right. It's the same way I feel about kids...WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT. When it makes sense, when I'm mentally and physically ready, and when I want to. That's not to say I'll never get out there, but one goal always leads to another....and another....and another.
I've made it clear to myself that during this deployment, my focus is on myself. My number 1 priority is to get in tune with my body and take care of it, the way I should and to exercise my mind just as much as my body.
All to often we neglect the spirtitual and emotional parts of ourselves which I have done for quite some time.
I'm not surrounded by people here, and there is a bit of quiet time...which means *me* time.
On the fitness side of things, I'm tracking numbers diligently to indicate progress, and I'm playing as my own little lab experiment. I want to feel what it's like to work hard, consistently - and because my job deployed is...cake...I have no reason not too.
I always see those transformation pictures and think "wow", I want to look at mine four months from now and think the same thing.
The basics are easy:
Eat clean
Exercise mind and body
and ENJOY THE PROCESS.
Don't worry... I'll keep you in the loop
When there's good, it's just unreasonable to think that there can't be any bad....lesson learned.
I know I'm being so ultra, super vague but the details I won't go into.
Lets just say, when shit hits the fan....it can break you, or make you.
I choose the latter.
I think throughout my life I've had periods of GREAT GROWTH as a person, and they always come with a big turn of events - joining the military, having my first big break up, marrying my husband...and so on. Those things aren't catastrophic, but they are what has taken me from the person I used to be to the person I am today.
More recently I learned some hard lessons on the person I need to be, and it's becoming much clearer to me now why life has thrown me such big curve balls in such a short period of time.
My goals have changed over the past few months and I have taken the pressure of a figure competition off myself for good (I suggest everyone who ever had this as a goal do the same). I'm going to just let it happen, when the time is right. It's the same way I feel about kids...WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT. When it makes sense, when I'm mentally and physically ready, and when I want to. That's not to say I'll never get out there, but one goal always leads to another....and another....and another.
I've made it clear to myself that during this deployment, my focus is on myself. My number 1 priority is to get in tune with my body and take care of it, the way I should and to exercise my mind just as much as my body.
All to often we neglect the spirtitual and emotional parts of ourselves which I have done for quite some time.
I'm not surrounded by people here, and there is a bit of quiet time...which means *me* time.
On the fitness side of things, I'm tracking numbers diligently to indicate progress, and I'm playing as my own little lab experiment. I want to feel what it's like to work hard, consistently - and because my job deployed is...cake...I have no reason not too.
I always see those transformation pictures and think "wow", I want to look at mine four months from now and think the same thing.
The basics are easy:
Eat clean
Exercise mind and body
and ENJOY THE PROCESS.
Don't worry... I'll keep you in the loop
It's been a long time...
Well kids,
I'm alive.
How did I get 19 followers? LOL
By NOT updating my BLOG that's how
Pathetic I know...
I'm deployed btw.
Month 1 of 4
Trip #3
So I thought,
I might as well get the blog back together
especially because I'm pretty DAMN sure this transformation
is going to be INSANE
I finally have the amount of muscle I need to get lean and mean.
My workouts start tonight,
and the diet is going to change from day to day.
I'll be using this blog to keep a detailed log of events
and if I can do it...anyone can!
I'm alive.
How did I get 19 followers? LOL
By NOT updating my BLOG that's how
Pathetic I know...
I'm deployed btw.
Month 1 of 4
Trip #3
So I thought,
I might as well get the blog back together
especially because I'm pretty DAMN sure this transformation
is going to be INSANE
I finally have the amount of muscle I need to get lean and mean.
My workouts start tonight,
and the diet is going to change from day to day.
I'll be using this blog to keep a detailed log of events
and if I can do it...anyone can!
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